I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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