it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
