I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
