I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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