You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was like eating out sand paper
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
