The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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