I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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