I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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