life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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