your parents love me but you hate me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A+ Viking dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
