just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There r osticjed everywhere
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He shit in the fireplace
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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