Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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