can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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