the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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