I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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