4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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