I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We don't watch enough power rangers
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
