Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
