i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
