and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
