he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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