I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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