Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
