You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize