Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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