either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
