She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
