Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
