Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
