Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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