either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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