how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
