I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
