3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
