There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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