He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
