end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
