you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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