Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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