so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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