i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
