overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
