For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
