Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
