he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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