it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
