i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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