you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
