Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
