I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
