Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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