I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How naked do you want me to be?
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