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Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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