TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
