i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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