i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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