I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
