I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize