i just had sex bonerless
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
