so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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