Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
