____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
