the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
