You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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