dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
