I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
