how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Randomize